Let’s be real, anxiety is a Bitch. There is really no other way to put it.
Anxiety likes to take your life into its hands and gain full control. It makes your stomach hurt, your heart race, and your head spin. At times it makes you feel like the world is closing in around you. It can also make you feel like your life is spinning out of control. Anxiety is different for everyone. There are different causes, different triggers, different forms; no case of anxiety is the same. For me, I have had anxiety my entire life. It developed when I was really young.
Separation anxiety was my first experience with anxiety. When I was a baby my parents could never leave me with family or friends, I would cry the entire time and I would freak out so much I would end up making myself sick. My separation anxiety lasted till I was about 12, I am grateful that I don’t suffer from separation anxiety much anymore.
I do get to deal with social anxiety every day. Social anxiety likes to make my life interesting. The thing with my anxiety is, it shows up at random times. Sometimes I don’t even realize when I get anxious. My first sign, when I don’t realize I am nervous, is my leg starts bouncing up and down. Then my heart starts racing and my head starts spinning. I feel like I am having a heart attack. A lot of the time when I get really anxious, I can’t think of anything else, my anxiety takes control of my thoughts and whatever I am anxious about is all I can think about. It also doesn’t help that I am claustrophobic and large groups of people are my kryptonite.
I have encountered a lot of people in my life who have never experienced anxiety or have never had a panic attack. I’ll let you in on what it’s like from my point of view. To have a panic attack is terrifying. For me it feels like the room is closing in on me. I can always tell when it’s going to happen because I go from talking to people, to suddenly wanting to not talk to anyone and not wanting anybody to talk me. Suddenly the room starts to feel like it’s closing in on me and I feel like I am stuck and trapped in whatever space is around me. My thought is to get out of whatever I am in and to never go back. An example would be, I have had many panic attacks in the ER and the nurses always just tell me I need to calm down (I don’t know why they think this helps) and I have to work through it myself. My thoughts race telling me it was a bad idea to go to the ER, I need to get out of this place and that I should have never come here.
You may wonder why I would share such a personal detail of my life, the reason is I feel anxiety can have such a bad connotation to it. I know people who are scared to tell people they have anxiety due to fear of being judged. And believe me, being judged because you have anxiety definitely doesn’t help your anxiety. I write this because I want people out there who have anxiety to know that they aren’t alone. No matter the type, the cause, the reason, you aren’t alone.